Identity

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you" (A.L. Kitselman, as quoted on the 1/3/2008 Franklin planner, Monticello edition).

I am...a parent. My kids claim me, as much as I claim them. To claim something is to demand or ask for as rightfully belonging or due, to assert one's rights (Webster's New World College Dictionary). We expect to spend time with each other. We expect respect from each other. We give and accept appropriate demonstrations of affection. A granddaughter stated last summer, "You like being with us...." And last weekend when I said that they were some of my favorite people, one said, "You are thankful for us. We are supposed to be thankful." Ah yes, more claims...It SHOULD be obvious to the grandkids that I like being with them. And if I add the adjective "loving", stating that I am a loving grandparent, I should be clear that I am thankful for the grandkids. That granddaughter's statement wasn't bragging; it was affirming me in my role, letting me know that she knew how I felt about her.

I am...a runner. That statement, too, claims me. Runners run. They may run fast. They may run slow. But they run.

The weather may be good; the weather may be lousy. But runners run anyway.

The running community has its own social norms; therefore to say "I am a runner" infers alignment with those social norms.

But now add an adjective to that statement. I am a racing runner. This changes things. Another set of claims has been added . . . training, and commitment to and participation in races, along with with the social norms and expectations of racers. Are my timing chip and number fastened properly? Given my pace, am I in the right place in the huddle . . .not to far forward where I'll hinder other racers, but not so far back that I hinder my own race? Am I respectful to the race organizers and volunteers?

Steven Covey's books speak in detail about roles, our "I am's," if you will. Each year I list mine, and I think about what it means to be that person: the goals and commitments that are part of that relationship or commitment, the norms, and the required tasks.

This year the list includes:
I am a writer...
I am a mom...a sister...a gramma...a friend...
I am a church attendee...
I am a member of a jail chaplaincy program...
I am a member of a paralegal organization...
I am an employee.

I can drift, not really thinking about these roles much, and probably I'll do okay. But what if I let those roles claim me more fully? what if I actually plan, think, and fulfill those roles with intentionality?

This year's plan is written on paper. Will it be written in my life as well? Ask me at the end of the year. Actually, if you have to ask, then it seems to me I will have failed. Better yet, let me know at the end of the year how I've fulfilled the role. See if you can emphatically state, "You are...." as well as my granddaughters do.