Feeling better

In my last post I stated that burnout seemed to have replaced the joy of running. As of this week, however, I have concluded that the threshold issue was as much physical as mental.

Evening temperatures have been in the high 40s to mid 50s and, thus, the temps during my 9 a.m. runs have also been much cooler. And with the cooler temperatures, my mood has also improved. But yesterday the nurse practitioner changed my asthma/allergy medication. I didn't time myself yet today; I was not ready for an objective, scientific check to see if my running ability improved. But I can say that I felt like I went out faster. My legs hurt as much as my lungs. I didn't need to use my rescue inhaler. I woke up without a headache.

This leads me to think that what I perceived to be a burnout was actually more physical than mental.

I am anxious to see how I do in Saturday's race, and I am thinking it may be time to start some speedwork.

Running Burnout

"Remind yourself that a run will make you feel better mentally and emotionally," (Howard J. Rankin, Ph.D., psychologist and author, as quoted in the Runners Training Log: Rodale Press, n.d.).

These days, unfortunately, that quote doesn't seem to hold true. I haven't timed my runs for some time as the results have been too discouraging. And I seem to walk as much as I run, which also discourages me. Additionally running just makes me feel tired and drained.

I don't know if the root cause is mental or physical. I do know, however, that a week off during two weeks of vacation in Iowa and New York did not help my mood any. And I had hoped that it would. I also hoped that a week of running in unfamiliar places (Ollie and Davenport, Iowa) would help; and those runs did feel better than my usual runs on Sunset Drive.

But I AM still running -- albeit not very far and not very fast -- and I hope that the mood soon improves and the joy of running and the invigoration that comes from running return soon. In the meantime, I'm running on sheer willpower and discipline, with a lot of help from my friends. Anyone with suggestions for curing burnout is welcome to e-mail me at anieta.mccracken@gmail.com. Just please be sure to put "running burnout" in the subject line so that, if I don't recognize your e-mail address, I'll still know you are a friend. Thanks.

Meditative Run

"Don't force your workouts. Run in the present, not how you ran 10 years ago or how you expect to run 3 months from now," Kim Jones, two time runner up, Boston and New York City marathons, as quoted in the Runners Training Log (Rodale Press, n.d.). Hot and tired this morning, I opted not to fight the fatigue. Instead I ran when I felt like it and walked when I didn't, and I did a lot of thinking.

Since April I've been working weird hours -- sometimes 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.; sometimes 4 p.m. to 12 a.m.; sometimes 8:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. No matter what time I go to bed at night, I insist on rising by at least 7 a.m. My stubborn self demands some semblance of routine amidst the chaotic work schedule. And I have found that I can run well on five or six hours of sleep once, but 48 hours later I am sluggish and fatigued. Someone told me that our bodies operate on adrenalin when the schedule demands it, but then insists on a recovery period afterward.

Our bodies insist on homeostasis, a "relative constancy or equilibrium in the internal environment of the body. This balance is naturally maintained by adaptive responses that promote a healthy survival" (Regina M. Masters and Barbara A. Bylys, Introducing Medical Terminology Specialties, F.A. Davis: Danvers, MA., 2003).

And homeostasis cannot be maintained in a chaotic, stress filled life. So the body demands rest and relaxation after work and begs for routine. Routine isn't going to happen as long as I juggle two part-time jobs, but that chaos is a necessity for now. And while chaos reigns, my running ability will suffer.

I have to accept that. I have to run in the present and avoid forcing my workouts. And meditative run/walks do have one advantage; it's easier to pray and think when moving at a slower, restorative pace.

Shenandoah River Front Run

Ran the Shenandoah River Front Run, one of my favorite races, at 7:30 a.m. This time I couldn't smell the river as I ran past, but seeing campsites alongside the road and seeing the river glimmer made me homesick for the Mississippi and the "Waupsi" in Iowa. It also made me anxious for a planned camping trip with my bros and sis, and their families. I am as excited as a kid during the last week of school.

Anticipation was reigned in, however, when Andi suggested breakfast after the race. And that is how I and five other friends came to be gathered around a table at the Smokin' Pig in Elkton talking about, among other things, Iowa, rivers and tornadoes.

George is headed for Iowa City and the University next week, he said. Joe has lived in the Midwest and knows the heat and storms that threaten and torment the people there in the late spring and summer. Storms, he says, that have been more frequent of late here in Virginia, though not as violent as the Midwest storms.

And I told the story of my midnight ride in a tent camper during a tornado in Iowa. Then I tried to grab the girls from the bunk where they slept, but they were bouncing around like popcorn. Somehow they slept through the commotion. The roof of the tent camper was peeled back. And the following morning we learned the camper was about two feet from where it had been parked the day before.

The possibility of 100 degree temperatures, high humidity and thunder storms hasn't dampened my excitement or anticipation for another McCracken camp out. There will be lots of laughter, bonfires, good food and conversation.

Conversation just as good as the one at the Smokin' Pig where friends who've run a lot of miles together stopped to sit a spell and get to know each other just a bit better than before.

Experiment with Subjects & Verbs

Sweat oozes. Feet slap on pavement. Breeze cools. Inky sky threatens. Rooster crows. Invisible fence holds back barking dogs. Grasses and daisies undulate. Honeysuckle perfumes air. Nausea predicts vomiting. Prevented Butch from passing till mile 2.5.

Working the Hills

After slogging along in a fairly lazy fashion (except for races) since last winter, I decided to work the hills instead of collapsing before them -- tucking in my back side, lifting my arms higher, taking shorter steps. Last Wednesday I felt tired before the last run of my 5K. But today, after a Monday trail run and hike, I felt much stronger.

The decision to work the hills instead of give into them reminded me of my youngest daughter's attitude toward failure and challenges. She doesn't give in to pity. Nor does she allow herself to become a victim. I'm not sure she even allows any time for pity. Instead she sizes up the challenge, works out a plan and moves on. When she was in elementary school, her creative choices weren't always the best ones and she found herself at odds with her teachers and mom on more than one occasion. But now she's older and wiser, and I find myself envying her gumption.

Gumption that I managed to find before the hills last week and this. Gumption I hope to find before the next challenge.

Hard Times Don't Last Forever

I ran three miles today at 28:44 pace -- nothing stupendously fast, but a goal I didn't obtain in all of 2009.

As I was looking at my running logs, I was close to today's time a couple times later in 2008. But things went downhill fast in January 2009--lots of lung pain, asthma, and hard runs. Then in April I came down with hospital pneumonia and was in the hospital for three days. (I almost bit the dust).

I remember coming home from the hospital and finding that I, who had run two half-marathons earlier in the year, couldn't run half a block. I pushed hard to land on my feet, too hard in fact. And I was sick again later in the summer.

On a day of deep discouragement, one of my running friends told me that it would take about a year to recover completely from the pneumonia. Believe it or not, that was encouraging. I knew then that the problem wasn't a lack of effort; what I needed was time to heel. So with lots and lots of encouragement from my running friends, I did manage to keep slogging along in 2009. My slogan for 2010, though, has been "back again in 2010". The year didn't start off well with all the deep snow hampering training runs, but then today there was this great run. I am so very encouraged. Although I know not all my runs will be at this pace, the PR reminds me that hard times really don't last forever. They just seem like they will when you're in the middle of them.